These 10 Tourists Forgot How To Beach
December 1st 2021
The beach is a place for people young and old to soak up rays, splash in the waves, and create lasting memories with close friends and family. The beach is also a breeding grounds for show offs, show-too-much offs, and people that I think simply forgot they’re in a public place.
Yes, all sorts of interesting individuals will be enjoying the beach this summer, below are 10 beach goers you’re sure to encounter.
1. The First Timer
The sea is a fickle mistress, one minute she’s splashing nicely, the next slapping you in the face with a wall of saltiness and Just be glad the kid next to you doesn’t know that the 3 hours of tireless work spent constructing a sand-castle complete with wave-fed moat will likely be smashed to bits by a group of angst-ridden pre-teens.
2. The Fully-Clothed Guy
I mean come on... who comes to the beach in shoes, long pants, and a jacket?
3. The Spring Breaker
Finals, professors, Starbucks Coffee, lap top computers, College is tough, and these youngsters deserve a chance to unwind. Spring Break destinations have been cutting down on the party scene lately, but if obscene and criminal behavior is what it takes to ease the pressures of academia....
4. The “Perfect Beach Bod” Couple
Ok, so you obviously work out... kudos. I’ll just relax, drink my drink, eat some cheetos, try to catch a frisbee...
5. The Summer Romancers
Ahhh summer love. Bowling at the arcade, drinking lemonade, staying up til 10 o’ clock. Perhaps it’s the unrefined scent of an endless sea stinging the senses as if cupid’s bolt shot fair and true... or maybe it’s the 2 for 1 hotdogs at the pier snack hut. Whatever the case, summer romances are characterized by hand holding, puka shell bracelets, and long goodbyes because her mom is making her go back to Ohio, but she wishes she could stay with you and promises to make the distance work... ends up she only sends one hastily written myspace message and never responds when you ask her to fly back and go to prom with me... I mean “you”...
6. The Rule Breaker
These near-do-wells think they run the place. Glass on the beach, swimming on a double red flag, removing water from the ocean (yeah, apparently that’s a rule, you can’t remove water or sand from the beach), these people are bad news!
7. The Co-Conspirators
The beach is a breeding grounds for mischievous activity, with friends and family competing for the best prank. “Let me bury you in the sand, it’ll be fun”, “check out this crab, he won’t pinch you”, “hey buddy, take this bloody chopped mackerel and swim out to that big blue fin”...
Image by Barney Moss via Flickr
No day at the beach is complete without an exhibitionist display, ear-piercing sing-along, or harmless stunt gone wrong. These beach pioneers aren’t afraid to be themselves, but sometimes we’re a little afraid of them.
Image by Zach Dischner via Flickr
9. The Newlyweds
Beach weddings are beautiful, aren’t they?
Image by Casa Fragma via Wikimedia
10. The Deviant
Every beach has em...
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